10 Things I Realized I've Realized

1. I’ve realized Ray Lewis looks intimidating doing his spazzed-out “I’m so pumped for this game I can’t control my body” dance, but if Peyton Manning tried it…well, okay, just picture it.

2. I’ve realized that the cheerleaders on the sidelines of NFL games are ten times more athletic than the kickers and punters for whom they cheer (exception- Adam Vinatieri).

3. I’ve realized that the ancient Greeks, who idolized athletes as physically godlike, wouldn’t understand the idea of the backup catcher (see: Fasano, Sal).

4. I’ve realized that we probably won’t see another MJ…but we definitely won’t see another player/mouth/ego like T.O.

5. I’ve realized that “Manny being Manny” is just another way of saying “playing baseball stoned.”

6. I’ve realized that Greece, Spain and Argentina all have better basketball teams than we do…but I refuse to accept it.

7. I’ve realized that I really enjoy those failed dunk attempts where the players slam the ball against the front rim then jerk back like they’ve just been clotheslined. So I guess I’m saying I enjoy the WNBA.

8. I’ve realized that ESPN broadcasts poker, Little League baseball, billiards and paintball more frequently than professional hockey games (go on, admit it – you don’t really mind).

9. I’ve realized that Byron Leftwich is Kenan Thompson’s long-lost twin.

10. I’ve realized that when an athlete says, “We gave 110% out there,” he or she is really just saying, “I received no real college education whatsoever.”