Thursday, October 05, 2006

I Love Rain Delays

Yesterday's rainout between the Tigers and Yankees was something I had been looking forward to for awhile: a rainout of a nationally-televised game. This isn't the YES Network, where the regularly-scheduled programming can be replaced by Yankeeography, and it's not NESN, where the network could simply play Red Sox Classics (ever notice how they're either the 2004 playoffs or games against the D-Rays?). This was national television, ESPN, the biggest series in the ALDS.

What's not to love about yesterday's rain delay coverage? Here's my Top 10 Reasons why I was entertained:

10. Shots of ESPN sideline reporter Bonnie Bernstein sitting in the dugout while players avoid her at all costs. Posada looked absolutely elated to give an interview. I think he was sedated.

9. The creativity of all the analysts. I mean, they need to say the same bit of news a different way each time for two straight hours.

8. Repeated shots of disgruntled fans.

7. Eric Byrnes's hair.

6. Eric Byrnes's admitted "man love" for Derek Jeter.

5. Wild Detroit accusations that New York had inside information and thus saved their players from warming up. (The Yankees could feel the rain! Not fair! We stretched and threw for 10 whole minutes oblivious of it all! Scandal! Outrage! Steroids!)

4. ESPN commercials at 8:45pm which ran, "The ALDS on ESPN -- Monday night at 8!"

3. Passing coverage from Sportscenter, to Baseball Tonight, to the game crew, to Baseball Tonight, back to the game crew, then to Sportscenter, then to Baseball Tonight, and finally to Sportscenter. All I learned in a 45-minute span was that they "hoped" to play the game last night.

2. Barry Melrose. It's opening night in the NHL and nobody on ESPN seems to care except this guy. A rain delay is way more riveting. ESPN anchors have spoken to 20 different baseball analysts, yet poor Barry is in charge of watching 1,000+ NHL games and analyzing them all. He also has a mullet, which definitely needs more airtime.

1. Joe Morgan's repeated attempts at mastering the English language while on national television. Morgan was a great player, but listening to him honestly hurts your head. He butchers names (calling Justin Verlander "Jason"). He shouts into the mic (and I think spits a little, too). He struggles to stay interested while Jon Miller is talking, like a fifth grader in class. Just watch him gaze around the booth, anywhere but directly at Jon Miller and the camera. Classic.

4 Comments:

At 12:36 PM , Anonymous Tony G said...

First off, thats some funny shit and definitely the most ive been entertained by a sports article since the ESPN Page 2 article about Steinbrenner's nicknames for free agents (and also the occasional rick reilly). Truth is, i was sitting there watching ESPN while all that was going on and thinking a lot of the same things. Maybe if it was a top fifteen then you could include something about how karl ravich kept having to cut Eric Byrnes off because no one knew what the hell he was talking about haha. anyways, nice work man ill be checking in every once in a while, good to hear from you. -tony

 
At 6:05 PM , Blogger Jay said...

I allowed the angry post to stay up here because I wanted to answer the person who wrote it. "No."

 
At 6:13 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are u ever gonna be done with this shameless self promotion of an asshole online life of yours....keep your fucking blog time to yourself and off the pages of our newspaper. You talk about the mouth and bravado of TO...u are one to talk.
get off our country club campus....u fucking poor assed peasant!
Look around u and grow the fuck UP!!!!!

 
At 8:48 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey jay, its mike marino. you have some interesting people at your school lol. anyway, i was watching the game today and i have to agree, Joe Morgan is a moron. its almost like he is trying to be the baseball version of John Madden. he just talks and talks and never says anything. today the tigers 3rd basemen (Inge maybe?) got a late start on a grounder because he didnt see it. i then saw 3 replays, one which involved the yellow pen circling him, and about 5 minutes on how the guy didnt see the ball. i wish suzy could somehow get on tv and call the games, we would all be much better off.

 

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